I found this man, that treats me like no one else has ever treated me, he tells me I am his princess and not only that, he also treats me as one! I feel close to him in ways that I would never be able to explain. I try so hard not to mess things up with him that I get over jealous, over paranoid and I create a whole bunch of lies in my mind... and then as I hear his voice, look in his eyes or feel his touch, all of those are gone... and I feel whole, and I feel like myself again! I chose him I fell in love slowly, we opened our hearts to each other a bit at a time... But last weekend he surprised me with " I love you".
I felt overwhelmed and feel into tears, I could not respond, I couldn't even say it back. it felt like a dream come true... totally out of the blue... and those things just don't happen to me! Never had at least! So he took me home a bit after that, it was late, we both had to get some sleep for the next day... I got home frustrated because I had not said it back to him. But I just did not know how!
The week went by, it was a messed up week... we couldn't find each other, my mind and my paranoia went insane... but Friday came.... and so did the weekend...
So it's Saturday night and I have this big doubt! "When should I say I love him?" he had already said that to me the weekend before and I guess that should have made it easier... but as the week went by I wasn't even sure what I had heard anymore, so I spent the weekend trying to say it and the time to come home arrived and I had said nothing.
AGAIN I got home depressed because It will be another week before I see him again, with that feeling just wanting to bust out my chest! So what do I do?! I send a cell phone message... saying I love him! Yeah, that was a coward move, I know... but hey! One step at a time... Now I can quiet my heart and when I see him again.. I will look in his eyes and say it... he will know it's true! He replied to my message, saying he was overwhelmed and happy. It was a nice happy ending!
We make our choices with the information we have at hand and we deal with the consequences. Very rarely do we have the complete picture of how events will unfold or how other individuals will impact or respond to our choices. We gamble our future happiness with every step we take and place ourselves in jeopardy with every word we say. But we try, at least I try... and that was my try to make things ok, to make my life more joyful, to let someone know they are important, loved... and that's it! A feeling kept inside has no impact, I thought sharing it... even if through a SMS message... would maybe put a smile on his face!
